he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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