She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
