i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
