Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
