I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
