Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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