i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
