I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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