yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
