Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
