I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
