That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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