How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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