Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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