pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
