i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
