I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
