No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
