Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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