Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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