They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
