Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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