it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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