Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just threw up on my dentist
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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