She said her name was "party"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
