all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
