The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
