There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
