I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
