On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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