I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
