Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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