She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
