I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
