I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we're so committed to being not committed
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
