There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
