i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
