found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
