Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
