First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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