i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
