i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
