not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
