"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
