no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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