she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
