I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
