It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
