So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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