I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hippo gnu deer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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