took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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