have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
