How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need to sanitize my soul.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
